I'm Ready to Go

Well it's been almost three brilliant years since I started this blog in a very-bored Anupama's room. It's only fair I don't use now it as it marks the end of a phase of life. And the beginning of another.
Life has too many stories and too many details to not share. I'm going to try and do my bit to do so.
Thank you all those peeps who got me angry, ecstatic, drunk, insane, laughing and crying. Thank you for filling me in with emotions that I could let out here.

Well, that's it then. Final post. The end. Goodbye!

Cheers!

P.S.- see you at www.whatsmjthinking.blogspot.com (there is an 'h' in this what. Growing old definitely corrected my grammar =D)

The End.

So another semester in this humid little pesky town is wrapping up. I'm heading home for a while in the next couple of days, dragging myself back here, writing meaningless exams and then BOMBAY. =]
Somehow, by this time, each semester, I get into a reminiscing-sort-of mode, and reflect back on the months gone by. And this time, it's no different.
Each month is like a clock ticking. In the end, it always completes a full circle. You have the same triumphs, the same disputations, the same celebrations and the same reasons to be morose. But it's like every day, somehow or the other, brings up a new lesson in this never-ending, always-examining class called Life.
Every time you think you're done with work, here pops in another task.
Every time you think you're gonna give up intoxication, here pops in another ride to the same ol' place, or another pothead.
Every time you think you're gonna ace this test, here pops in the cockiest-fucking prof on the planet.
Every time you think you're gonna keep your cool with a loved one, here pops in another foolish fit of rage.
But also,
Every time you think that life is just a huge pile of bullshit, here pops in a random message from the long-lost best friend.
Every time you think that being broke is a perennial state of affairs, here pops in money from the daddy.
Every time you think that you had the worst day ever-possible in reality, here pops in a kiss from the boyfriend.
Every time you think that trying is just never enough, here pops in a celebration for winning something.

My this semester, and life in general, has been like the above-stated. I'll whine and complain about things I don't have and things I have. I'll throw a fit for making me wait, and never be on time. I'll procrastinate for ages and always curse the system. But I'll also be the most patient listener when you want me to be. I'll always be just a call away when you need me. I'll be the one with whom you'll wanna end a miserable day and start a momentous night. I'll always keep a secret, and I'll never say no to a hug.
I know, this semester, who I love, and how much I love them. And I've also learnt that people are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly, when you're alone. (The song's just stuck in my head.)
I know what I got from this semester. I know what I want. I know who I am.

Cheers.

P.S. - Boo. Miss. Love.

I Do.

With all my love for you, thanks for being around.

I truly value and cherish what we have. Deva.

That one thing that's been on my mind all day,

That one hand that I know will never let go off me, no way,

It's like, everyday, I see myself in you,

I love you with all my heart, and I know so do you.

I never get tired of the cheese between us,

And I totally love how we ignore those who make a fuss,

All the time spent with you, watching TV or sharing a meal,

Is His way of offering me His best deal,

And I take it, I accept it, and I value it, each second,

Because I know, people like you, will stick till the end,

Sharing a drink, or sharing a smile,

I'll adore you this much for the longest while,

Walking with you through your highs and lows,

Wiping away tears or making a funny pose,

All I want you to know, 'cause I know it too,

I'll be waiting, waiting for you... And I do.

Paro. =]

Catch 22

Has it always been so hard? So hard to choose? Why do you have to choose in the first place? Why does that choice exist? Why does my heart flutter when I hear him? Why do I want to let go of things that made me happy. Or atleast I thought they did. Why am I so scared of losing something that I completely forget to cherish it?
Why do we always have endless suggestions for others but choke when the same happens to us?
Why is it so hard to see other people in our shoes? Or see ourselves in their place?
Why do I have to blog about this? Why am I making a big deal? Why do people exaggerate? Why do people not give enough importance? Am I being paranoid? Am I a cling-on?
Why can't I breathe? Why does that little heart of mine give me so much pain? Why can't my neurons just stop stressing so much for one bloody minute?
Why do I love my job so much? Do I have to leave behind things, memories, friends, experiences because of it? If yes, then why do I love it in the first place?
Why is it so hard to quit college and start something with my best friend? Why do we care about people's expectations? Do we expect the same from them? Why do we burden ourselves like this?

There. You called. I'm breathing again. Thanks for existing. Don't ask me why.

J' Aime Manipal. Je Deteste Manipal.

So I received this complaint by my close bud, that I don't update my blog. Hence, despite the busy schedule of my (sometimes) painstakingly boring life in Manipal, at 5:40 in the morning, this brand new post! Volla!

*Karmanya's ad shoot was fun, hillarious and DAMN weird. Dreading the day Pavan puts up pics of the shoot.

*That reminds me, if you're really vela in life, type in "Tease Manipal" on YouTube, and have a good laugh at me. (What-e-actor!)

*So Andhra Pradesh's CM just disappeared. WHOA!!!!

*Chatting up with someone and letting out a LOOTTTTT of things felt great today. Just that, after we finished our catching up, and were doing small talk, he slept off while I was talking. Bastard!

*Bhairavi just woke up to have water right now.

*Rohan to Manisha : Hi Manisha!

Manisha : Rohan, talli salle kutte!

Me : (dazed for two seconds) Hahahahahahahahahaha (for the next two hours!)

*I can't wait for prom! Woohooooooo!

*This semester feels damn different. In good and bad ways. I love the fact that people I love the most here have got their own places now, and I've fewer classes (Yes! That IS possible) but I miss having everyone around at KC or Devas. And I miss a few friendships.

*I need a break; gotta get out of Manipal. NOW!

*AIESEC and French have officially taken over my life. And I'm loving it!! =]

* I can make awesome daal-chaawal and bull's eyes now! Yay!

*I miss Singhvi. Terribly sometimes.

*I'm proud of myself that I haven't mentioned Deetee or drinking in my post. =D

But I will now! Ha!

*VENKY DRANK YESTERDAY! 220ml OF VODKA! OMG! OMG! OMG!

*JD is smoooooooth.

*UB + Chocolates (Nutties or twix esp.) = Sex on the beach!

*My cousin in Delhi thinks I'm sober for like two hours in a day! Tsk tsk.

*I really hope Bombay happens.

*I really hope I did well in my French test. (Nothing wrong in hoping. It keeps the world alive.)

*I really hope that when things go unsaid, they're understood nevertheless.

*I really hope I'm not broke all the time.

*I really hope that golden sky always succeeds the wretched storm.

*I really hope I get to see Singhvi soon.

*I really hope that patience fills our temperamental hearts.

*I really hope a little wisdom seeps into our indecisive minds.

*I really hope our vision isn't blinded by patronising "words of advice".

Okay, I'm running out of ideas here.

*I really hope Somdev does well in the US Open.

*I really hope that I'm always able to forgive and forget.

*I really hope that peace shall prevail. \m/

Je t'aime.

Cheers!

The Trip

Well this one has nothing to do with smoking or getting trippy; just a little about the few things I saw and remembered in these holidays of mine.

*Leaving Manipal was too funny and then very over-whelming.
At 6 in the morning, four loving friends come to drop me off at Udupi, only for me to find out that my reservation was wait-listed. We came back, had an awesome breakfast at Cosmo and then I took a flight instead. But leaving Singhvi's house in that cab with all those people on the gate was just welling me up, but I managed just fine.
*Delhi was fine for the few days i stayed there before heading to Lucknow. I just love observing traffic in the capital, I really don't know why. And when my driver/dad/bro are pulling their hair off and getting majorly pissed in the most chaotic jam ever, somehow, I find absolute harmony in that complete cacophony. *weird me*
*Lucknow was great! Home, my amazing friends whom I love and adore, eating all those things about which I salivate for the entire sem, making your friend cook an entire lunch alone, just for you, finding new lounges, hanging out at old places, visiting your school and your Principal and teachers calling your friend circle the naughtiest and brashest yet the best ever, being the laziest you've ever been in your life, losing your mom's 10-day old phone, sleeping till forever everyday, doing absolutely nothing on your last teen birthday, yapping on your parents' phones for hours [they pay the bill, why should i not talk] and missing your boyfriend like crazy everyday just made all the shit i went through in that month very bearable.
*I went to Badrinath and this place Mana [It's the last village on the Indo-China border], and it was such a needed break from the mad summer heat. I just wouldn't wear a sweater or jacket when it was chilling outside just to feel REALLLLLLY cold after REALLLLLY long; my cheeks and nose were always red, my hands and feet always stone cold and my nails always blue, and i absolutely loved it!
*Back in Delhi, shopping at Sarojini, going to old Delhi and Chandni Chowk with my dad, drinking with Singhvi at Manipal-cheap prices [Trust me!] and having a blast, meeting my sis and her gazillion American, French, whacked-out and gay [I-LOVE-THEM!] friends, hoping from one place to another, and never having to pay cause she earns was like just the icing I wanted on my humongous, multi-layered, amazing and unforgettable vacation cake!
Cheers!

The Next Day, A New Day.

You're half sitting-half lying on the bed, half asleep-half awake. A little confused, a little certain. A little disappointed, a little ecstatic.

Thinking about what's going on. If it's for real or not.

People care. Yes, they do. But for how long? Will they, won't they?

You meet different people, make new friends, lose out on old ones. Is it fair?

You love, feel loved. But the love dies. Makes way for questions. And more questions.

You trust, blindly. But it goes away. Leaves just doubts.

You give, you happily give. But are too afraid to ask.

You're friends feel like strangers, and strangers are your new confidants.

You curse, you thank, you swear, you appreciate, you love, you hate, you laugh, you cry.

You're holding your ground, and yet you seem lost.

You've been hurt, and you still don't want to cry.

You don't drink, but are never sober.

You have everything, but it seems nothing.

You have nothing, but it is your everything.

You live in the present, but worry about the future.

You live in the present, but regret the past.

You err, you forgive.

You decide, you forget.

You live, you learn.

You learn, you die. . .